Today, Microsoft unveiled their latest technological development and answer to the growing threat of Open Source Software to their business model. And although it’s still in its beta stage, we were allowed a glimpse of this innovative product, codenamed “Precision Patent Penguin Powergun”, or P4 for short.
The P4 features many patented innovations, among which the Live PenguinSight automatic aiming mechanism, the Live EvidenceShield proof deflector, and, last but not least, Live KillerPatent (patent pending), Microsoft’s innovative concept of using unsubstantiated patent threats as ammunition. Especially the latter innovation is expected to radically alter the way of doing business, moving away from the outmoded, cumbersome model of competing on quality and price, towards the vastly more economical and direct approach of simply telling your competitors that they should pay you for offering their own products to the world, lest you sue them.
In the words of Microsoft’s spokesperson: “Using the P4, any Microsoft executive can, without the actual need to aim but with astonishing precision nonetheless, fire random patent infringement accusations at any users and distributors of Linux. And even though the product is still in beta, with the inevitable design imperfections not yet ironed out completely, we are quite confident that the final version will offer an unrivaled penguin-shoot experience.
Earlier this week, Mr. Ballmer, Mr. Smith and Mr. Gutierrez had the honor of firing the first live rounds with this important Microsoft innovation. Our legal department is still evaluating the results, so unfortunately, we can give no further comment on the outcome of this trial.”
Although Microsoft presents the P4 as their own product, it quickly became clear that if not the actual prototype device itself, then at least the functional design of the P4 had already been extensively alpha-tested by another well-known software company, the SCO Group.